So yeah. I seem to have forgotten to tell you guys that a couple weeks ago we made our first great foray into the land of seitan. For starters, I totally broke the girl at the food co-op's head during our conversation about my big bag of gluten. Once we'd exhausted the "you can make fake meat??" topic, she asked, "so how long have you been vegan?" Well, I'm not vegan; I just like making and eating all kinds of food. She had no idea where to go after that. Come on! It's not impossible for me to like eating vegan, even if I'm not vegan. People do not have to fit into one category!

We used the recipe o'greatness from the PPK forums, and it worked admirably. The only change I remember was in using fresh chopped garlic instead of garlic powder, and upping the soy since we never have anything approaching worcestershire sauce at our house. The outcome, though, was a total success. Easy! Sliceable! Pleasantly sproingy to knead!

Now the only problem is figuring out what to do with it. Perhaps a bunch of fake pepperoni for my cheater pizza? Ok.

Seitan pepperoni

seitan
olive/tasteless oil
red pepper flakes/other seasoning agent

Cut your seitan into thin slices, such that it approximates pepperoni. Heat a big splash of oil in a flying pan on medium-high. As it's heating, season the oil copiously with red pepper flakes. Lay your seitan slices in the pan and cook, turning to get each side golden brown. Adjust heat as necessary so nothing burns. When your seitan pieces are toasty all over, you're pretty much done. Drain off the excess oil on paper towels.

Cheater pizza

pita bread of your choice
olive oil
tomato sauce/etc
mushrooms, green pepper, shallot: whatever
seitan pepperoni
cheese if you want it
basil, oregano, salt

Preheat the oven to 350F.

Lay out your pitas on a baking sheet. Smear them lightly with olive oil, then add tomato sauce, a little salt, and anything you like on pizza. I made a really traditional pizza, with lots of chopped mushrooms, green pepper, thin shallot slices, and mozzarella. I also cut my seitan slices into little squares before adding them. Finish the pizza with appropriate herbs: basil and oregano in my case.

Bake for about fifteen minutes, rotating the pan as needed, until your pizzas are hot and crispy and any cheese you used is starting to brown.

Cut into pieces and eat voluminously!

Man, writing this made me so hungry that I now have another batch of four cheater pizzas in the oven: potato/garlic/sage, tomato/spinach/mushroom/mozz, balsamic dressinged mushrooms/more spinach/parmesan, and a tomato/spinach/garlic/mozz one for John. PIZZA.